You love them.  You want the best for them.  Somewhere deep down inside, you have a feeling you may love them more than they love themselves, even.

So, you encourage them, support them, love love and LOVE them.  You forgive them by and by, knowing they’ve never really meant any harm.   They’re acting out because they’ve had a rough day.  They hardly ever follow through with any of their promises because they’re so stressed out.  You get it, so you don’t take it personally.

Do you believe you’re helping this lovely person out by extending as much sympathy?

Do you believe you’re helping yourself out by extending as much sympathy?  I mean, will your needs ever be met this way?

Can I tell you about one of my first loves?  This man LOVED me!  I knew it!  I felt it! And in many, many ways he did a great job of displaying it.  The times he did not do a great job of displaying it, I forgave him.  He’s only human, right?

When he cheated on me and cried his eyes out over it, I actually felt so much sympathy and compassion for him.  I saw right through his actions and knew it was SELF-sabotage.  I could see he was suffering. I knew it wasn’t about the sex or the other girl, but rather about his capacity for happiness.

The better things went between the two of us the more destructive his behavior.  After a while, it started feeling like he was INTENTIONALLY pushing me away and like he was sabotaging our relationship on purpose!

He was suffering.  He was acting out of pain.  All he’d ever known was pain.  I thought I was doing him a favor by relating and understanding.  I really thought I was throwing him a bone and eventually all my love would sink in and he’d act like that magnificent person I knew he really was.

In actuality, I was enabling his destructive tendencies.  I was honoring and validating PAIN and FEAR.  I was totally allowing them to run the show!  His show, our show. . . MY show!

It would have been far more compassionate of me to hold him accountable for his actions!

Had I said, “I understand your pain AND I also know you have the power to transform that pain and be your best self,” I would have given the pain less power.  I woulda handed the power over to LOVE, healing, and transformation.  Had I suggested some books or services that have helped me, rather than just listening to his stories, I would have honored and validated his SPIRIT and his PURE POTENTIAL rather than his pain, fears, and his limiting thoughts.

And had I said, “I can only be with someone who is WILLING to improve themselves,” I would have honored and validated MY SPIRIT and MY PERSONAL GROWTH.

Think about how you are training people to be.  Think about how you are training people to relate to you.

Is it really love-based?  Is it really benefiting them?  Is it really benefiting you?

Usually, the more destructive partner has a really, REALLY huge heart, is beyond charming, can light up a room with a smile and so many other awesome traits.  But they’re stuck in their own lives and as your relationship is an extension of their life, the relationship starts to feel stagnant.  In short, a super awesome person that lacks self-love.

Usually, the more inspired one is super compassionate, has been through a lot of personal growth so they believe in everyone’s pure potential, and is somewhat of a recovering people pleaser, so standing up for themselves is kinda tough.  In short, a super awesome person that lacks self-worth.

Puttem together and you got lots and lotsa love, lotsa fun, and some reoccurring patterns.

Just like rules, I believe patterns are meant to be broken.  It starts with YOU.  Not them.  YOU.  Right here and now.

What do you need out of this relationship?  Can you let them know?  Can you both come up with a game plan that makes you both happy?  Are you both willing to commit to the game plan?

It can be as simple as a weekly date, sending each other inspirational quotes, sharing more laughs together.  Or it may be as intense as couples therapy, coming in for a couples reading, some time apart, actually expressing hurt feelings when they happen and looking at ways to prevent them from happening again.

If you’ve been relating to each other like this for some time, please be patient with the growth and changes.  It may take a few tries to really stick to the new plan.  Support each other in it.  Sounds cheesy, but perhaps a reward system?  Draw up action plans for both parties and every time either one of you acts in alignment with them, you receive a reward from your partner?!  Make it fun!  Make it applicable to you and your unique relationship!  You’ll be creating a positive association with growth in your relationship space.

Lemme know how it goes!

I keep seeing my clients focus on the “lack”/ what’s missing/all of everything else that has to be done and not celebrating their successes/triumphs/all of everything that they indeed HAVE accomplished!  Sometimes simply getting out of bed is a HUGE accomplishment!  Sometimes, brushing our teeth at night is a tremendous success to be celebrated!

What we focus on will grow.

Rather than focusing on all you did not do today, all of everything that needs to be done, how far away you are from your future vision, try focusing on all you DID do!  All you ARE DOING in alignment with your goals and vision!!!  We’ve all accomplished soooo much that we don’t take enough credit for!!!  Take a moment to celebrate your successes when you accomplish them, so your successes may grow!

I’m noticing 3 major trends:

1. Accomplishing a goal and then beating oneself up over everything that didn’t go awesome in it.

Example: “Yeah, I ran the marathon, I guess.  But I didn’t make my goal time, I had horrible form, had to take a break somewhere in the middle.”

Um, wha?!?!  YOU JUST COMPLETED A MARATHON!!!  Who cares what time you came in?! Again, YOU JUST COMPLETED A MARATHON!!!!! You just accomplished a HUGE goal!  Celebrate your success!!!  There will always be room for improvement and growth!  *Always!* That doesn’t need to take away from your current phenomenal achievement!

2.  Focusing on future goals at the completion of one goal, or even before the goal has been accomplished.

Example:  “K, first marathon of the year done.  Now to train for the next one!  I’ll need new shoes, to register by this date, gotta find some running buddies.”

Whoa, again, YOU JUST COMPLETED A MARATHON!!!! Wanna take a moment and celebrate this?  Please?  Have a celebratory dinner!  Let people praise you for your accomplishments!  YOU DESERVE IT!  You just did something extraordinary and wonderful, get outta the future and get here now and celebrate it! Celebrate you!  Yay, YOU!!!!

The deal is, if we don’t celebrate all our current successes, then we start to stop getting inspired by our future visions and goals.  We train ourselves to dread them and feel overwhelmed by them.  We’ll procrastinate and feel impeding doom.  We start to feel hopeless and discouraged before even starting at a goal.

When we do celebrate ourselves, our accomplishments and our successes – no matter how big or “small!” – we train ourselves to look forward to future goals and we feel more inspired by them, by ourselves, by life!  We are more committed to ourselves and our goals when our relationship with our goals is a healthy, positive one.  Positive reinforcement is always longer lasting and far more effective than negative reinforcement.  Studies say so!

Here’s a few ways to start the re-training process:

1.  Reward yourself!

I bought myself a new dress that was a little fancier than my comfort zone at the launch of Nuurvana as way of rewarding myself for my success!  You have no idea how incredible I feel every time I wear this dress!  I feel like my own proud mom!  My heart welts up with joy!  It’s such a very special, beautiful feeling that only continues to grow with time!  It’s like reminding me of how awesome it is living my full potential.  Pretty fantastic feeling!  Try it!

2.  Success journal!

Yup, this has been a “homework” assignment for many of you lately!  Simply write down your daily successes.  I do mine at the end of the day.  I list 5+ accomplishments each night.  Something like;

I got caught up with emails!  Yay, me! I worked – out today, yay!  I choose not to eat that brownie, whoo-hoo!  I flossed my teeth, yay!  I meditated, hooray!  I scheduled some appointments, yay, me!

*The yay’s and whoo-hoos are fun for me (I heart silly!) and I find them helpful in retraining myself, but they’re definitely not necessary.  Make it yours!

3.  When accomplishing a goal, simply take a moment to close your eyes, take a deep breath and let the experience of success and accomplishment in!  A good mantra is, “I made this happen!” or “I celebrate my success!” My personal favorite, “I am making all my dreams come true!”

Celebration Nation, please!!!  We all deserve it!

I keep seeing loving and compassionate people keeping their thoughts and needs to themselves in fear of hurting their partners.

Some common thoughts I’ve been coming across;

“I can just deal with this on my own.”

And I respond with, “Yeah you could, but why choose to do that?”

You’re not in this relationship by yourself!  You’re creating a partnership here, aren’t you?  Why not let your partner, WHO LOVES AND ADORES YOU, know how you’re feeling, so you’re on the same page?  Not saying to hold them accountable for your happiness holding them solely responsible to resolve the problem or anything- just saying, they’d probably really like to know your thoughts.  It’ll help them understand you more fully and may serve to bring you closer.

Again, keeping such thoughts to yourself will only serve to create distance between the two of you, which often leads to a whole cascade of emotions for both parties.  *Gentle reminder: if you’re in a relationship, it’s most likely that you kinda sorta somewhat value PARTNERSHIP and CONNECTION. Not sharing these moments in time actually makes it harder to share the more delightful moments, too.

Or I’ll hear, “I feel like I’m making a big deal out of nothing.”

And I’m like, “Well.  Maybe you are!  So what?!  May your partner call you out on it if you are.  And maybe you aren’t!”

If you’re feeling it, it’s probably a kinda big deal to you and that counts.  Your emotions are valid.  Your needs are valid.  Share what you’re feeling and be open to your partner’s feedback.   If you are making a big deal out of nothing, wouldn’t it be great to get that confirmed?  Wouldn’t that help you let go the subject at hand?

Years back I was in a relationship with a totally compassionate being.   It started off with, like, 1 million texts daily.  When the texts dwindled down to only a few each day I felt hurt.  I felt they were no longer interested in me.  After crying my eyes out and demanding more texts, they were like, “I feel like you don’t appreciate me and all I do for you.”  I was shocked!  I wanted to say, “Uh, NO!  You’ve got that backwards!” Here I felt unloved by them and they’re telling me I’m the one being the brat?!

But, alas, they were absolutely right!  The texts had stopped, but I was receiving daily gifts and all sortsa quality time, love, and affection that I wasn’t taking in because I was so focused on the lack of texting!! The display of love had just changed form, is all.  I was having a hard time adjusting to the changes.  I needed to hear that I was being a brat in order to take all the love in and let go of my own insecurities and feelings of abandonment.  It was a dramatic shift in consciousness for me that has only helped me in all relationships I’ve been in since.

On the flip side, what if the lack of texts really was an indicator of lack of interest?  Wouldn’t it be best to discuss it and explore why the lack of interest and work together to resolve that, rather than both parties continuing to live on assumptions?

We co-create our relationships.  I don’t think it’s fair to say, “You need to text me more.”  I think it’s fair to ASK, “What’s going on?  What are the thoughts or feelings behind your actions?  How can we work TOGETHER to create a mutually beneficial exchange here?”

I learned the benefits of asking rather than telling years ago and have found it to be PROFOUND!! I’m always surprised at what I learn when open to listening and I’m not demanding or assuming.  Often, when we feel unheard we wanna jump to shouting out all our demands- this has never worked for me.  Asking what’s behind my partner’s actions and conveying my interpretation of their actions has always blown me away!  Often moves me to tears of warmth, love, connection, and gratitude, actually.

Probably the most common thought I’m seeing is,  “I don’t want to hurt them.  I’m afraid that by expressing my needs or dissatisfaction, they’ll feel hurt.”

Actually, the lack of communication hurts even more.  The distance created by not expressing one’s authentic self creates a “me vs. you” feeling, rather than an “us” or “we” feeling.  Communication is cool, man.  It brings us together. When there is an internal dialogue our partner is completely unaware of, we tend to be experiencing completely different relationships.  Lack of communication and we’re living in separate worlds along side each other. . . which is when we’re feeling lonely while in a relationship.

Remember your “I-statements” from back in the day?  Like, “I feel _____ when you _____ .”  Use them!  It takes the attack out of it.  Please refrain from assumptions and placing blame.  What we feel is influenced by our personal perceptions and our personal histories.  So much more so than our partner’s actions!!  Simply state how you feel and aim to resolve any unwanted thoughts or emotions.

**Newsflash: You’re partner is not out to hurt you!!!!   They LOVE you.  Similarly, there are times when you may need to remind your partner that you LOVE them and that you are not out to deliberately hurt them.

You may even set an intention before the communication.  Something like, “Hey there’s something on my mind and I don’t want it to come off the wrong way.  Can we both sit and focus on our love and all the benefits of this relationship before we start this conversation?”  Or, “My intention with my communication is to bring us closer together.  I love you.  I love and value our connection, partnership, and exchange.  I am communicating my needs to you in effort to preserve the PARTNERSHIP.  Swear, I’m not attacking you!  Swear, I’m trying to shift this dynamic to an US.”

Check-ins are nice.  Weekly or monthly talks.  How you doing?  You happy?  All your needs met?  You satisfied?  What’s your favorite part of our relationship?  What do you think our strengths are?  What’s your least favorite part?  What do you think we gotta work on?

Your partner is with you because they love and value you.  They are choosing to be in this with you.  Let them be in it!  let them participate!  Not fair to try and fix the wrong all by yourself.  Not for you or them.

I think check-ins are best when all is going well.  When we’re in a good place, loving, connecting, laughing, sharing.  We tend to be more open then and less defensive.  We’re in touch with the love of the situation so we’re more likely to interpret all of our loved ones words through the LOVE filter rather than the fear, insecurity, or attack filter.  So, next time you’re laughing, playing, loving, try checking in!

ACCEPTANCE.  Whatever it WAS is in the past now!  All the guilt and remorse you may be currently feeling isn’t contributing to changing your past self. In fact, it’s only preventing you from really enjoying and healing your relationship with your current self.  Hey, have a laugh about it!  So you made a mistake.  Not the first or last time.  Let’s all get used to it- we’re humans.

Now, if your actions did adversely effect another being, after accepting this about BEAUTIFUL, RADIANT YOU, take accountability for them! Get resolution-oriented about it and transform the experience for the both of you! Say sorry and move forward.

Taking accountability is incredible.  Its liberating! It’s EMPOWERING!  Its rooted in the present moment, our spirit, our full potential.  It’s one of the most humbling, connecting, and powerful things I’ve ever learned to do.

Gotta make sure you really mean it, though!  Such a difference between a guilty or defense apology and a sincere one!  I like to close my eyes and place both hands on my heart and feel all of my love that I have for my friends, family, YOU, my life, etc., until I’m overwhelmed with the sensation of love and gratitude!  Totally a beautiful space to apologize and re-connect from.

Sometimes the sorry needs to be backed up by some intense actions.  Hey, I’ve been there.  If me being a slave to someone for all of a week is what it takes to get them to realize I love and value them in my life and am clearly faaar more invested in their happiness than I am in their suffering, rad.  Let’s do it!  Know your audience and know your limits, of course.  With the apology, you can ask, “How shall WE resolve this?”

Going on and on and ON about all of everything that went wrong and all of the hurt feelings, btw, is NOT a resolution.  Some people need that.  I, personally, don’t benefit from hearing this from myself or my loved-ones for more than a day.

Coming up with a mutually beneficial strategy that is DOABLE to prevent future pain = love-oriented communication in co-creation = everyone wins!

From my experience the nobody is really an asshole. Suffering is an altered state of consciousness.  When coming from pain, we create pain.  My last heartbreak, I was a BITCH! Yeah, my fuse was extra short and, yeah, I was totally unnecessarily rude or spiteful towards complete strangers.  Duh, I was acting out of pain and suffering, what’d ya expect?  Most of us are not out to intentionally hurt people.   But, it happens.

There’s this cool, super-easy Ho?oponopono execise.  Four sentences. “I’m sorry.  Please forgive me.  Thank you.  I love you.”  Powerful.  You can read more about Ho’oponopona here – totally beautiful blog post.  Try it daily!  Even if you don’t have anything obvious to apologize for!  To me, apology is a reflection of accountability and accountability is a reflection of creativity.  I like to believe I am creating my life by my own design.  Regularly apologizing for all of the known and unknown helps me continue creating all my dreams into reality!

Intuitive acupuncture point to help with apologies and accountability coming up next week!

Palace of Heaven, Tian Fu, Lung 3

If you divide your upper arm from your armpit to your elbow into 3 equal parts, the Palace of Heaven is located at the top 1/3 line about 3ish inches from your armpit, depending on how tall you are.  Try looking at your right arm and placing your left index finger on your right thumb.  From there move your index finger all the way up towards your armpit- in line with that side of your palm and arm – to your elbow and continue up your upper arm.  Most of us will feel a dip just before reaching the armpit.  It’s not just any dip, it’s the Palace of Heaven!

What’s so cool about this point?  Why’s it so great at helping us accept ourselves exactly as we are?  Besides descending lung qi (energy) and allowing us to really breathe deeper and take in the totality of life and inspiration, and besides calming our “corporeal soul” (the part of our soul ascribed to the metal element- responsible for inspiration & letting go), this is one of only 10 “Window of Heaven” points in acupuncture.

The window of heaven points all connect our heads to our bodies.  You know, for times when we get a little too “heady” about things.  They help maintain proper qi flow so that ALL us is receiving nourishment and love and our head isn’t dominating all the energy. When in balance, our heads may serve us as our own personal heavens.  When out of balance, like way too effing much energy here, well. . . our own personal hells?

How about we call it a self-imposed prison?  As reference to the last blog post; so what if we get angry, weepy, or – brace yourself! – have needs!  NOT a big deal.  The steal trap that is sometimes our minds is more of a big deal cuz it’ll take our nature (be it our emotions or needs) and work it against itself.

It takes a lot of energy to create a steal trap/self-imposed prison.  TONS!  This point will help better direct some of that energy to the other very important 80% of our very special selves.  Yeah, our internal organs, muscles, tendons, ligaments, skin and all need some of that good stuff, too! This way, ALL of you, the totality of you, is nourished.  This way, energy does not get trapped or stagnant in that powerful mind of ours and so there is not an opportunity to build a trap.

Without that trap/prison, when all of our energy is flowing throughout our entire body as it desires to, we are able to better accept the totality of ourselves.  Beautiful!  Being on the lung channel, the channel that is responsible for structure & organization, extra flow and love here will help us release the notion of “good” and “bad” emotions or needs, so that we may accept information about ourselves at it comes to us and use it to our advantage!

Yes, I mean, expressing our needs.  I mean looking into why the pain, anger, fear, etc., may be coming up so that we may gain valuable insight into ourselves.  May we all use our insight to empower ourselves and create peaceful lives for ourselves.

Use Your Palace of Heaven

Get comfy, close your eyes, cross your arms and allow your thumbs to rest on your Palace of Heavens.  Heaven on earth?  Let’s do it!

Simply press into this point while taking in some deep breaths.  As you are breathing deeply into your stomach, imagine energy flowing up from your feet all the way to the top of your head.  Imagine that energy looping from the top of your head all the way back down to your feet and then back up again.  It’s a cycle.  Keep the cycle going.  Acknowledge your energy flowing both up and down simultaneously.  If you like you may imagine the energy as colors, light, strings, whatever helps you get the visualization going.  Or you may simply choose to focus on how it feels when energy is in constant harmonious MOTION in your body.  See or feel the flow of energy reaching every single aspect of the totality of you.

*If you’ve taken my intuitive training program, running earth and cosmic energies totally helps us accept the totality of ourselves!  Practice, please! If you haven’t taken the program, sign up now for the Sunday, March 27th work shop!

As humans we have a tendency to categorize, conceptualize, or understand life in terms of “good” or “bad.”  So, as a collective, we have associated certain emotions or behaviors as “good” and others as “bad.”  Energetically speaking, there is not a good or bad.  All of everything is neutral.

Most of our experiences can serve as great learning opportunities and deepen our connection with ourselves.  Yeah, even when we’re yelling and screaming at the top of our lungs- this, too, is an experience that may serve us.  *Should we choose it to.*

You wanna choose it to serve you?  A genius man once said,

Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. . . Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.   –   Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Basically, drop the hate.  Drop the self-judgment.  Stop beating up my friend (YOU), okay?!  Let’s start by accepting ourselves exactly as we are.  Accepting and OWNING all the many dimensions that are within us and see how that feels for a change.

Oh, you get mad?  So what?  You prefer more attention than you wish you did?  Cool beans.  Now you know.  You like attention.  What’s the big deal?

If you catch yourself experiencing a thought or emotion or behaving in a way you are having a hard time accepting, take a moment to get still about it.  Learn from it and from you.

When in a safe & comfy environment, close your eyes and really allow the emotion to envelope you- how does it feel?  What’s the message behind this experience, behavior, thought, or emotion?  Can you remember how or why it came up?  What were you feeling or thinking just before the sad/mad/rage/jealousy/lonely/fear started taking the driver’s seat?  Take this as an opportunity to connect with yourself and better understand yourself!  Ask yourself questions and see what you come up with.  Become your own best friend, please!

Take it a step further and ask yourself, “Does this need to be resolved?  Is it interfering with my happiness and inner-peace?”

If you believe it does need to be resolved, how?  What can you do in order to prevent this emotion/thought/behavior from coming up?  And what if it does come up, what’s a good thing to do then?  Let your loved ones know!  Lay it all out on the table and it really won’t be such a big deal.  It’ll just be.

Next week I’ll let you know what intuitive acupuncture point always helps me accept the totality of me!

As follow-up to last week’s blog post about transition, Yong Quan, or Gushing Spring, is the perfect intuitive acupuncture point to help us keep calm during times of transition.

Kidney 1, the Gushing Spring, is the only acupuncture point to be located on the soles of our feet, where the energies of earth and human unite.  As shown, it’s at about one third the distance between the base of our second and third toes and the heel of our feet.

Listed amongst it’s indications are calming the spirit, descending excess from the head, and reviving consciousness- totally all about anchoring and grounding!  In the classics it is described as, “echoing the earth,” and “returning the unrooted back to it’s source.”  In Vedic medicine our Gushing Spring is known as the foot chakra and is, again, used to connect our energies with the earth’s energies.

What a soothing point!  I have my anxiety or insomnia clients soak their feet in an Epsom Salt and hot water foot bath before bed, as to really draw their energy down here- to the most yin (still, serene) point during the most yin time of day to generate a totally yin’d – out experience of inner calm and trust.

You in the middle of a transition?  Like you’re in mid-air and would really much prefer your feet on the ground?  Getting a little too “heady” for your own good?  If you could use a little extra support and it feels like all you wanna hear right now is, “it’s all gonna be okay,” try this qi gong (energy-cultivation) exercise:

Using Your Gushing Spring

Sit up-right in a comfy chair, placing your feet on the ground.  Allow your eyes to close, take a few deep breaths and focus your awareness on the bottom of your feet.  Here are your Gushing Springs, your feet chakras.  Imagine spinning discs at the bottom of your feet and feel them spinning.  Can you feel it?  Feel free to explore your feet chakras by speeding up or slowing down the rate at which they spin to see what works best for you.

Now that this point is open and activated, let’s get in rhythm with nature!  With each inhale, imagine that you are drawing up earth energy.  You may want to visualize the earth’s energy as a color or substance, or you may want to focus on what you are feeling.  The energy is moving up from the earth into your feet and continues to move all the way up your legs and into your core.  Allow the earth’s divine intelligence to fill you in and nourish and heal your body, mind, and spirit.

With each exhale, imagine you are releasing any unwanted energies from your body down your legs and out your feet.   The earth knows exactly what to do with this energy.   Let go any unwanted thoughts, beliefs, emotions, or energies.  Again, you may choose to visualize this by imagining colors leaving your body and being absorbed into the earth, or you may want to simply focus on how this exercise feels in your body.  Up to you.

Recap:

With each inhale, you are drawing up the earth’s natural grounding, calming, and healing properties through your feet and into your core.   With each exhale you are releasing any unwanted energies from your body/mind/spirit down your legs and out your feet.

Repeat, repeat, repeat!   I suggest setting a timer and trying it for 5 minutes.

Also a great one to do at your desk, while on the train, sitting at a bar, anywhere, any time!  Try it!  If even for a few deep breaths!  Totally simple and easy to do anywhere and yet SO effective!

Are you in the middle of a transition?  So many of my clients are growing and evolving!  So beautiful to watch!  Totally unnerving to experience.  It’s like being suspended in mid-air.  How bold and courageous of you!  As uncomfortable as this may feel, try and remember how things were before the jump.

Were you fed up with your situation?  Totally exhausted from being a slave to obligation, others, or expectations? Were you tired of working when you didn’t really wanna, working a job you didn’t love, or being in a relationship you couldn’t figure out why you were in?

If you’ve been feeling like something’s off or something’s missing for some time now, chances are you’ve been subconsciously asking for “more.”   You’ve been asking for a change.  You’ve been asking to live your full potential!  Yeah!

So here you are in the middle of this profound change and how’s it going?

The most common responses I’ve been hearing; “It’s lonely.  I’m scared.  I’m uncertain.  I don’t know what to expect.  Not sure what I want.  I know what I want, dunno if/how I’ll get it,” or the frustrated, “WTF is going on?!”  Experiencing feelings of confusion, fear, doubt, and uncertainty, to name a few.

Scary and unpredictable,  of course it’s lonely!  You’re a whole new you! Most of your friends know only how to relate to the old you, they don’t know what to do with this new you and you no longer know what to do with them- you may not be sure you agree with their perspective anymore, even.  It’s cool, often times we have all new like-minded friends waiting for us on the other side, yippee!

And lemme tell you, it wouldn’t be happening if you didn’t make it 100% clear to the powers that be (yes, that includes you) that you could handle it.  You’ve chosen this!  Good for you!  Bold and courageous you!  And, yes, perhaps you didn’t know what you were getting yourself into, but you’re here.  So now what?

You are displaying a commitment to your highest self!!  It may feel awkward for a bit, but you will adapt, we always do!  You will become accustomed to the new you and this new world you’ll find yourself in.  After relinquishing as much control, you may even find yourself more relaxed than you knew you could be.  You may find yourself confident in knowing that after all of this, after your life feeling like it’s been turned upside down and you’re still alive, there ain’t nothing you cant handle! You’ve experienced the unknown, gone through profound changes and you’ve gained valuable insight, awareness, and intuition on account of it!

For right now, how about setting some intentions?  Rather than focusing on where you’d like to land, think about how you’d like to feel once you get there?  Peaceful?  Full of bliss and gratitude?  Surrounded by love and support?  What was missing from your life that inspired this leap?  Intend on creating it for yourself!

When setting intentions, it’s important to declare our intentions in the present tense and really feel them.  As you are saying, “I belong to a loving supportive community,” really try to imagine it and feel it in your body.  Close your eyes to really connect with you, even. What does it feel like when you say, “I am ecstatic about being exactly where I am.”

We tend to be more powerful than we know.  Setting intentions IS effective.  Some magical stuffs happen in our brains when we allow ourselves to fully experience what it is we are intending.  I suggest you do this for yourself in the mornings.  Every morning.  Before you get out of bed, close your eyes and tap into the feelings of where you’d love to be right now.

Please note, this is totally different than imaging your dream job or dream relationship.  Don’t worry about the details as much as the feelings.  Like, if your dream job represents security, feel what security feels like in your body.

Have fun!  Where you’re at right now, anything can happen!  How about make manifest exactly what you’d like to happen!  Exactly who you’d like to be! You deserve this!

Do it for a week and lemme know how it goes, k?

*Read on to the next blog post, “Gushing Spring,” for the intuitive acupuncture point and qi gong meditation practice to help you feel grounded while you’re here flying in mid-air!

As follow-up to the last blog post, “How to Prevent Disappointment,” here is the intuitive acupuncture to help you do just that!

This point is located at about your mid-back.  Ladies, it’s usually just underneath your bra-line.  About 3 inches to either side of your spine at the lower border of your scapula/shoulder blade.

So, last week we spoke of disappointment. Expectations may lead to disappointment, yeah? And furthermore, expectations may be limiting in perspective, so that when new wonderfulness is happening, we may not even notice it cuz of our original thoughts/plans/goals/expectations.  Remember?! (If not, here’s a reminder)

How to discontinue such patterns, go with the flow a little more and stay in the realm of infinite possibilities? Well, the Door of Ethereal Soul is how!!! What a cool name for a cool point!

This point will root the ethereal soul back into your body, it’s home.  It’ll make it so you CAN set goals, make plans, AND flow with the process of life all at the same time!  Rad.  It makes it so your goals and plans serve to inspire you rather than be potential for more disappointment.

A little Chinese Medical Theory background before addressing our monthly point:

The wood element is well, like wood.  It likes to grow up and out.  Like you and all your personal growth!  Making plans, setting goals, moving forward in life.  When healthy, wood will simply grow around any presumed obstacles in it’s path.  Like you!  It flows with the process of life.

If unhealthy, when a presumed obstacle shows up, the wood stops growing.  It stops right there.  Gets stuck.  Like, “urgh, now what?!  This building is in my way so now I can’t grow, I’ll never be tall.  All my dreams are shattered!  Shattered!!”  Stagnation. Disappointment.  Remember how expectations may lead to disappointment?  Yeah.

Meanwhile, there may be plenty of space to grow only a few inches to the side.  Space that the tree is so not even noticing cuz its all fixated on the building.  Ever experienced this before?  Yeah.  Back to the Alexander Graham Bell quote,

When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one that has opened for us.

So, the wood element houses the ethereal soul.  It’s the ethereal soul that is responsible for our growth, plans, goals.  Good thing to take care of, yeah?  Good idea to keep it grounded and rooted in our bodies, yeah?  Cuz when grounded in our bodies, it expresses itself from a place of security and trust (= health = lack of disappointment).  When healthy, we flow with the process and presumed obstacles are not disappointing or stagnating, they’re just a part of the of path.

Shall we ground our ethereal souls and prevent any future disappointment?  Yeah!

This is a fun exercise cuz you get to lay down and massage some muscles!  K, place a tennis ball on the ground and lie on top of it so that it is at your mid-back.  The tennis ball is bigger than the actual point, itself, so being precise isn’t totally necessary.  If you are just below your scapula/shoulder blades, you’re probably at the right spot.  Simply roll on the ball from side to side, from your left door of your ethereal soul to the right door.

The ethereal soul and the wood element like movement  (growth, evolution, actualizing goals) so the movement, coupled with pressure on this point is pretty much the best way to ground your ethereal soul and help you flow with the process!

As you’re rolling from side to side on top that tennis ball, try taking in a few deep breathes and repeating to yourself, “I flow with the process of life.  I live in the realm of infinite possibilities.”

Hey, lemme know how it goes!

“Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.”  – The Dalai Lama

Haven’t we all experienced this before?  And, yet we’re still so fixated on getting what we want sometimes, huh?

K, super-simple, kinda-cheesy personal example I have of this is from a couple years back when I used to live a few blocks away from my gym.  I had this ritual of stopping by my favorite organic produce shop on my way back from the gym and buying an Asian pear.  Kinda insane how much I’d look forward to this pear every day  (expectations).

So, one day, the shop is closed.  WTF?! (Mega-disappointment!)  I cannot even begin to tell you how frustrated I became over, yes, an Asian pear!  I could think of nothing worse!

I begrudgingly went into the next local market, already knowing they did not carry Asian pears.  Still, I held onto a little hope, and, nope!  No Asian pears! My entire day ruined!  Beyond disappointed.  Beyond! Wah! Uh-huh, I gave life another shot, and, again, life failed me (no seriously, I really thought that!)

As I’m leaving the shop, only the teeny tiniest cutest wittle kitten goes running past me!  It was playing with a string on the floor.  OMG, So. Cute!!! Aaaahhhh!!!  I picked up the string and started playing with the itty bitty cuteness before me.  More aaaaaahhhhh!!! Too cute to handle, even!  We played for a good while- I was giggling, laughing, forgot all about my Asian pear!  What a pleasant surprise!

I woulda never even thought about entering that store, had it not been for my fave market being closed.  By the time I left the store, I was completely grateful my market was closed and I got to play with only the cutest wittle kitty I’ve ever seen!

Expectations and disappointment.

I view expectations as an attachment to the outcome of a situation.   Like as though the outcome of a situation is what validates the situation.  Like, if I get my pear, all is well.  I’m attached to the pear as being the outcome of the situation,  validating the situation, indicating all is well.

If I don’t get my pear/anticipated outcome, then all is not well in the world.  Limiting, right?  Or, like, the work-out was in vein.  Why work-out if I don’t get my reward at the end?  Yup, how about I choose one tiny little possible outcome to validate my entire work-out or morning route back from the gym?  Super limiting, yeah?

Without the expectations, we are open to the infinite possibilities that exist within every situation, every moment in time.  Pretty cool, yeah?  Living in the realm of possibilities.

If the anticipated outcome isn’t defining the moment, then the moment itself must define the moment, yeah?  What, you’ve never heard of life being a journey and not a destination (thanks, Aerosmith circa 1996!)? It prevents disappointment.  It makes it so that all is well every single moment. .  It makes it so that all is well just cuz.  (Don’t even know how I came up with the equation that pear = all is well!) It makes it so that we are not limited in our perception and in our experience of life.

Now let’s say, I was super fixated on that pear and had put even more emphasis and value on it.  I’d have been even more attached to this anticipated outcome.  I may have seen the cute little kitty and been like, “Get outta here kitty!  You’re not a pear!  You’re not what I asked for!” and continued to have a let-down of a day.

At times, we may get so absorbed in the disappointment of life not living up to our expectations that we completely pass up wonderful and fantastical opportunities!  More eloquently put by Alexander Graham Bell,

When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one that has opened for us.

Yo, so many doors!  Why deny ourselves so many of them?  Just say no to expectations and disappointments, and say YES to living in the realm of possibilities, open doors, and pleasant surprises!!

**Stay tuned for next week’s intuitive acupuncture point that will help integrate this message into your body!