The two most common things I am seeing people feel guilty about is their relationships with other people and feeling great.
Let’s first address the latter- feeling great. Um, how did we get here, where it’s not okay to be amazing? Huh? Why is feeling great causing so much guilt these days? Oh, money comes to you easily? Great! Let’s celebrate! You are 100% completely healthy? Whoo-hoo!! You feel beyond lucky? This is fantastic, yes?!
No, you’d rather feel bad for all of everyone that is struggling or seemingly less fortunate than you? Now, how is that gonna help anyone out? So now you’re not enjoying your wealth, health, or whatevs and everyone else is still struggling. Rather than go down with them, wouldn’t you rather bring them up with you? Share the wealth.
Love and joy are abundant in nature, not limited! Share your secrets to success and happiness. This way, we all shine! No need to feel as guilty and as isolated by your guilt for being as wonderful as you are! Reminds me of a very favorite Mariann Williamson quote. . .
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? . . . Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. . . . It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
The people that I read in July who felt guilty with regards to their relationships were beautiful, wonderful people!! So wonderful and kind-hearted, that they felt responsible for the emotions of others. We are all so different. We each have our own personal filters and whatever-colored glasses that we wear. What we see or receive is up to us entirely and has less to do with what our friends are giving us and more to do with how we process what our friends are giving us. Perspective, right?
Like, I could give Jane an apple and she’ll be like, “Ooh, thank you, friend! Thank you for feeding and nourishing me!” When I give Bob an apple, on the other hand, he’s like, “Are you suggesting I’m starving? Like I can’t feed myself? I’m mad at you!” And then, Mary’s all like, “Apples are sugar and sugar is bad. Why do you hate me?”
Same action. Different reactions. If I were to feel guilty for either one of these reactions, that’d be like saying I created that reaction. I did not. They did. Who we are genetically or constitutionally, and what life experiences we’ve had is what influences our perspective. (Which is always changing as we grow and evolve.)
To me guilt is disempowering. It’s like denying another person’s perspective. Like taking full responsibility for their reaction. So Bob feels insulted by my apple. If I feel guilty about this, this implies I did something “wrong.” It implies, also, that poor little Bob doesn’t know any better and can’t possibly change, so I must change and accommodate him.
When we take responsibility for others, we are enabling dis-serving thoughts, beliefs, or actions. When I don’t feel guilty, I can laugh and say, “Bob! Really?! I love you! This apple looks like heaven to me and I love you so much I wanted to share my heaven with you!” Bob can then do whatever he wants with this information. It’s his choice! He gets to feel empowered by having a say in the matter! But by giving in to his reaction, or even anticipating his reaction, denies him such empowerment. To me, it suggests that he is small and limited. And coming from guilt space can only makes us smaller and more limited. Let’s expand, people!! Let go the guilt and gift empowerment!!!
Because I saw most guilt being related to others, I feel a “separation tool,” may be a nice way to help prevent some of this. A separation tool can be a visual tool of your choice that you place about 2 feet in front of you at the edge of your aura. It will absorb the energy of others so you don’t. This way, you need not feel responsible for the way other people feel or react. It also helps keep your energy in your space, so you may act in integrity with yourself and not worry as much about how people react to what is your pure, benevolent intention.
Visual Separation Tool
Imagine a separation tool of your choice. I see a lot of shields when leading this meditation in class. I like to use a huge teddy bear, myself. Whatever object you’d like to use, try to envision your personal separation tool in as much detail as possible. Really see it and believe that it is there, 2 feet in front of you, working for you.
Your separation tool will create energetic boundaries that will benefit your psychological boundaries. Your separation tool is here to absorb foreign energies so you don’t have to. It’s here to keep your own personal energy in your space- rather than give it away and be influenced by other people and their possible reactions.
Trust that your tool is working for you and see if you notice a difference in your day. You may want to create a new separation tool each day or with different moments or people, as they tend to collect energy and work less efficiently with time. When creating a new separation tool, be certain to discard your old one. Simply watch it disappear completely so no traces of it exist. You may erase it, burn it, blow it up, or just watch it fade into nothing.
Intuitive Acupuncture Point
WaiGuan, Outer Pass, San Jiao 5.
If you are looking at the back of your hand, with your finger nails facing you, WaiGuan, is about 2 inches from your wrist up towards your elbow. 1/6th the length up from wrist to elbow right in the middle of the width of your forearm.
To me, this point is like a separation tool. It’s name, “Outer Pass” has also been translated as “Outer Gate.” I’ve heard it described as the outside gate of your heart. Boundaries! This point is all about your connection with other people. I believe strengthening this point will help prevent that sense of responsibility for other people’s emotions that generates guilt.
Massage it, kiss it, love it. Touch it while visualizing your separation tool. Place pressure on this point for a few minutes. Use this acupuncture point to help strengthen your “outer pass” and alleviate feelings of guilt!
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