You’ve likely heard Deganit, Tim, Crystal, or me share that all readings offer a healing to all parties involved, and for me, seeing the themes that come up in my sessions almost works as a barometer for me. They often reflect things I’m moving through or things I’ve recently moved beyond, and they offer me the opportunity to learn and grow alongside each of you. Thank you for the privilege!
I’ve been thinking lately about the relationship among growth, fear, and self-worth in my own life and, unsurprisingly, it’s been coming up in a lot of my sessions lately, too. I’m currently thinking about how the more you grow, the more opportunities the universe offers you the opportunity to stay right where you are. For me, this often shows up as distraction energy. I’m deliberately tuning out to avoid tuning in- not out of self care (I do believe that tuning out purposefully to replenish is the ultimate act of self care), I’m talking about tuning out due to the fear of taking steps to live more fully, more authentically.
For me, this has shown up most recently by finding other things (read: anything) to occupy my time and energy space other than what I really want to be (read: need to be) doing.
This is because some of the things I really want to do these days trigger this line of questioning in me like, “Who exactly do you think you are to be doing these things?” As I am shape shifting and moving into new realms of reality (which trigger new realms of possibility), lack of self-worth starts to show up.
I am so full of 3rd chakra energy, I could go and go and go. The ability to run on steam and drive has served me super well in this life. I’m a chronic overachiever and can MAKE. SHIT. HAPPEN. I’ve come to know this as my superpower- and it definitely is my unicorn trait.
So what do I do?
I laser in and use my own intuition to see what’s really happening, I notice all this distraction energy popping up at the same time as I’m seeking to grow and flourish in new ways. I see that I am corded into a belief that “all doing counts”.
Now what do I do?
I get curious. I look for details.
I see that, for me, this belief does not take into account any worthiness of the doing, if it’s actually moving me forward- it’s simply offering me credit for having my switch turned on.
I pull at a thread a little more.
I observe that In these moments I find that I’m actually creating more work for myself. I’m not focusing on doingness that actually moves me forward. I’m faced to confront these types of questions:
- Why are you choosing to focus your energy on things that do not bring you closer to where you want to go?
- Who would you be in a life of ease?
- What would receiving and acceptance look like if you didn’t feel you had to fight for it, work yourself to the bone for it?
- What does it mean for your identity to not be 100% on 100% of the time?
Now I move into a waking mindfulness. I work on catching the thoughts and the behaviors that lead to that distraction energy. In the shower or during my exercise practice, I’ll have ongoing internal dialogue with myself. “What exactly are you afraid of? And what if that does happen? Will you still be okay?” I’m a pragmatist- so this inner debate really helps me gauge the risks and the rewards. Nine times out of ten, I move forward. I step out of my comfort zone. I do it in my own time, and I measure my progress. It helps me to feel in control- commanding the energy of my space. I reward myself for moving through the fear.
Energy is all there is.
In sessions, I am seeing folks who are also having similar manifestations of this issue- underneath the doingness lies self-worth. I’m seeing so many of you rising, rising, rising to these amazing levels of consciousness and havingness, and operating on outdated belief systems that are appearing as roadblocks or speed bumps.
It’s almost like you’ve ascended to 40,000 feet and this outdated thinking has you (me, too sometimes!!) focusing on a little itch on the side of your face instead of all the wonder that’s around you. Namely, you did it! All your work paid off! Rest, enjoy, laugh your ass off at the journey, toast yourself!
I’m seeing this as an upper limit challenge for us. As we ascend, we focus on the itch on the side of the face and all our attention goes there. If we’re focused on the itch, we don’t have to be that person who accomplished all that we’re seeing around us. We don’t have to honor ourselves for the alchemy. We don’t have to stay small. It’s this piece by Marianne Williamson in real time:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear in that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the World.
There is nothing enlightening about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel unsure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
As we let our own Light shine,
we consciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.”
For today, take some time to consider your relationship with fear, fear, and self-worth. Write about it! Talk about it to a trusted friend who can simply witness you untangling this question. Open up a voice app on your phone and get that shit out!
Shine a light in there.
Crowd out the darkness with light.
If you have more questions or someone to reflect that light that you might have a hard time seeing right now, schedule your session with one of us today.