blog

“Whatever the present moment contains, accept is as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life.” Eckhart Tolle

So, yeah, we’ve all had times where it’s like, “How the? … What the?… Is this seriously happening right now?  Seriously???”  “I feel so powerless.  I feel so hopeless.”  Those last-straw, wit’s end moments.  When it feels like one awful thing keeps happening after the next.   Moments of utter despair or devastation – like I’m so broken, I can’t imagine I’ll ever feel like myself or my life again.  When feeling like life is having it’s way with you and you have no say in the matter, this one’s for you!

Basically, we’ve all felt like we’re “victims” to life.  Some of us have felt this way our entire lives and it’s part of our daily consciousness.  Others will slip in and out of it depending on triggers and circumstances.  No matter how powerless or hopeless we may *feel,* we DO, in fact, always have power in our own lives.  Here’s how we can tap into it!

SO. MUCH. POWER.  When we exercise our power, it empowers us.  It helps us exercise even more power in the future.  It a pretty POWERFUL habit to cultivate.  It may take a lot of effort at times.  Might be a moment-to-moment decision.  But it’s there.  YOU are there.

So, how to switch from that victim that can’t catch a break to bad-ass love & light warrior that makes manifest their dream life, you ask? It’s a choice.  A minute- by -minute, circumstance-by-circumstance choice.  And it can start NOW.

Try out the mantra, “I choose exactly this.”

The last time I felt totally dis-empowered and like my life was cruel example of Murphy’s Law where just about anything could send me into a fit of tears was over the summer.  Just when I thought all was well in my relationship, wham, an abrupt break-up.  One week to move out.  (Que pity party?… Actually, I was still pretty positive/in shock at this point.) Six brokers and 15 not-so-awesome apartments later, all in the pouring rain before and after work hours and I was starting to feel pretty hopeless.  All I wanted to do was cry.  And I did.

Still, had to find a home!  New broker, 9 apartments later, I found it!  Yay?  Well. My credit score isn’t so high these days.  I had to borrow a ton of money and get a guarantor  to make it happen.   Was judging myself for my credit score and feeling kinda like a victim to all the money I had borrowed, but whatevs, I have a home! Yay? Well.  The kitchen doesn’t work.  No stove.  No fridge.  Grrrr.  Up until this point I was putting up a pretty good fight against the pity party.  I was also in survival mode until this point- no time for feelings.  I moved in and I curled up into a ball and cried, cried, cried.

STILL, needed a working kitchen.  When do things start getting easy, exactly?  “I choose exactly this.” I started chanting this out loud in private, in public, in stillness and in chaos.

Back and forth with the property management company to get the gas company out here and to get refrigerator people out here.  As though I had all this extra time on my hands to be making multiple phone calls a day and waiting on repair people?  Every. Single. Morning??  Blood boiling.  Heart breaking.  “I choose exactly this. I choose exactly this.”

I usually work out in the mornings and I love it.  When I’m angry or devastated, intense cardio tends to save my life.  It’s all I wanted at that time!  Just, please, someone lemme sweat it all out!  Nope, I was destined to wait in my new dreamy (?) home for hours and hours morning after morning waiting on repair people to stand me up day after day.  “We’ll be there today, promise!”  <– They lied.  I cried.  “I choose exactly this.”

In between tears and pillow punching, “I choose exactly this.” And then I got quiet.  And I asked myself, “Okay, you really wanna play this f’ed up game?  Why on earth would you choose THIS right now, rather than exercising? ”  Seriously, it’s a moment-to-moment choice. Let’s not make it about the break-up or the move or the money or the repair guys flaking.   Why choose to be at home alone sad and mad rather that doing what I swear I knew would help me out?  At the time I was avoiding meditating.  Trying to quiet my mind only led to replaying hurtful conversations and the whole string of “horrible” events that led me to this place.

It was clear to me, I was choosing to meditate at that exact moment.  I needed it, and at that moment in time my life was set-up in exact support of it.  I surrendered.  I sat in meditation for 1 very powerful hour.  And I felt lighter and brighter . . . for, like 10 minutes, ha!

But, serious, it changed EVERYTHING!  “I choose exactly this.” My walk to work that day, I noticed a cutie little community garden and thought, “I choose exactly this.” Maybe I choose my kitchenless home so I can eat my meals in this gorgeous garden instead? Yes, yes!  And that’s exactly what I did!  Most days until I had a working kitchen- which took about 2 months to sort out.

So, yeah, for 2 months I chanted, “I choose exactly this,” when people flaked.  When there was loud, obstructive construction in my home for two weeks.  When there was all the dust and dirt and aftermath from the construction.  When my proper management company basically gave me the finger.  When I received the wrong refrigerator.  When I had to go through it all again waiting for the right refrigerator.  “I choose exactly this.” It was intense, I tell ya!  And though I didn’t know I would be so exceedingly rewarded for my bad-ass love & light warrior efforts, I kept at it.  I meditated, I journaled, I changed my address and took care of my responsibilities, etc…. did all I could do while being “trapped” in my non-functional home waiting on repair people to not show up.  “I choose exactly this.”

So how does the story continue?  Made a ton of new AMAZING connections through the entire experience, including my new fabulous attorney and all my gardening neighbors!  Was excused from paying rent for a few months = hello savings account, buh-buy debt!  Traveled a ton, cuz shooooot, my home’s not currently a home, anyway!  That was fun! And most importantly, I got my personal power back!!! The break-up, brokers, repairmen, management companies, LIFE, ain’t got nothin’ on me!!! Came out feeling like the universe totally has my back!  I SO have my own back!  Still learning lots from the entire experience and feeling more confident, peaceful, loving and lovable than ever! And it all started with telling myself “I choose exactly this,” when I really only 1% meant it.

It’s alchemy.  It’s been around since the beginning of time.  We all have the capacity to be alchemist in our own lives.  We are all POWERFUL bad-ass love & light warriors that have the ability to alchemize any seemingly negative situation into a positive one.  From can’t exercise when I need it the most, wah, to –> meditating, journaling, taking care of business, yay!

*If you’re gonna try this out, please do KEEP IT IN THE MOMENT.  This is key!   At least for the first couple of months.  Gotta turn it into a habit first, and then we can apply it to our past or deeper circumstances.  After practicing “I choose exactly this,” every morning with all the wait time, I had a deeper understanding of the relationship, the break-up, the move and why everything in-between had to go down the way it all did.

However, had I tried to figure it all out (psycho-analyzed and philosophized the situation and all my questions) at that exact moment in time, I woulda just driven myself crazy and most likely would have slipped back into victim-mentality.  Victim-mentality tends to justify things and make up stories of why things went the way they did and all.  More problem-oriented than resolution-oriented.  Letting it all go and keeping focused on the PRESENT will allow the answers to come to you when the time is right.  Keep it simple.  Keep it to the here and now.

Like Einstein says, “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” Oh, Einstein!  That guy!

Try it out, won’tcha?   Try it in that extra-long line or while waiting in traffic.  When your child or pet is acting up.  Try it right now!  It will become a habit that will replace the dis-serving victim-mentality habit that may be hanging out in your subconscious mind.  Lemme know how it goes! And please do schedule a session if you need some support.  I definitely upped my acupuncture, therapy, readings and all self-care regiments during that time, which helped reinforce my alchemical attitude.  Wishing this sorta empowering bliss for all of everyone!